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A waiter brings a lady her clam chowder, and his thumb is hooked over the cup.
She says, "Waiter, your thumb is in my soup."
He says, "Yeah. I got arthritis and the heat makes it feel better."
She says, "Well, why don't you stick it up your ass?"
He says, "I do that in the kitchen."

Here I sit, broken hearted
tried to shit, but only farted
then one day, I took a chance
and tried to fart, but shit my pants!

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

What's a lightbulb?